he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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