Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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