i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
