i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
