Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
