it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
