dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Watching her eat just hurts me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
