I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
