And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just invented taco cereal.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
