haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
