I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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