Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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