I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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