He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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