Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
