shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
