I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
