New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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