I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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