Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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