i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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