May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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