Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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