I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
