He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
