I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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