Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
