So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
