i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
