After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
