I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
