I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
