idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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