my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
