Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
