I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
