i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
