Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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