hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
