while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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