Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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