i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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