You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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