Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
