def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
