Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
