I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
