Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize