Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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