The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
