They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
