Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
