Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
