He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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