when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
