I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
