Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
