Please, let me fuck your mom
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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