I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i believe in u and ur pee
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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