dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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