last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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