I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
