Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Randomize
