They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
