who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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