Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
