So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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