I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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