I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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