Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
