you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
