i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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