Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
