Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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