It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
