I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
