I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
