saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
